I see humans, but no humanity

on dit que la nuit porte conseil

He’d never thought it could get worse, but it’s often when you persuade yourself you’re at rock bottom that you go deeper. The night was leaving its shadow on the island, the moon was barely visible between the clouds in the high sky and to say that even the murmur of the wind made him crazy was a euphemism. Everything, every single little thing around him could have been his worst nightmare hiding in plain sight and he was just waiting, waiting for it to get out of the dark, to show itself. The war wasn’t good for his mind, but it was way too late to get out of it.
It had been a couple of peaceful days. The problem, when nothing special happens, is that you start to get nervous. What if it was just a distraction? What if they were just waiting for the right moment? What if. The two little words should have been banished from his thoughts, because they were all he could think about, particularly when the sun was asleep, when he found himself way too alone to not drown in himself. Jeremiah was managing to get a few hours of decent rest sometimes, when he was so tired that he could barely stand, but it didn’t seem to happen that day. He didn’t talk about it, but he missed Rose so much, even more in the morning than in the night, every single little minute that he had to go through without her on his side making him worry even more. But she needed time, she needed to be alone and it was one of the few things he could still give her.
Yet, lying in his tent, his eyes so far from closing, his whole body shivering under the wind, the cold and the shadows hovering around him, he really wished she was there. He knew he couldn’t ask for a lot, he wouldn’t dare ask to get back to America and he would even less ask to be left in peace, but he just wished he could at least sill have her. Nothing was really well these days. Constantly nervous, constantly trying to learn to be better. It seems that there was more and more attacks, more and more useless fights that made them lose people and put them even more on the edge.
He was better. He knew how to handle a fight, he would probably get his ass kicks, but there would at least be one or two punch from him before, and he was an even better liar than before. He could almost convince himself, when the sun was shining, that he really had everything in order. Weirdly, it seems that he was finding himself more and more implied in the clan, more and more wanting to help… and to win.
But with that will, there seemed to be that heavy weight, leaving him quite unbalanced on his two feet, his heart broking in two over those two distinct side. He didn’t knew who he was anymore, and that was something he wasn’t sure he was ready to affront. It was hiding, somewhere, in an even darker place in his mind than the jungle could be. And he knew, he knew it would come back from it one day and bite him right on his hand, but even the best liars weren’t making truth out of lies.

The simple idea of staying where he was seemed to be insane and his feet were getting up before he even thought about it. He ended up near the fire, its light making the shadows darker, but its heat getting into his bones, where the cold was so used to be that he barely noticed it anymore. It never really was cold on the island, yet it seemed to be, it felt like all the hairs on his body couldn’t resist to rise. Jeremiah wasn’t sure, if it was he cold, or his instinct, or a bit of both. He didn’t know if he could believe his heart anymore anyway. Still, a strange reassurance was burning into him, telling him it was a good thing he wasn’t in his tent anymore. His eyes seemed to be drowsy, and he passed a tired hand over them before looking around him.
He hoped, for a second, to find a friend, maybe even Hayley, who seemed to feel as alone as he could feel sometimes. She wasn’t a bad person, but her past was keeping her at bay, sadly tying her to murmurs and bad looks. She wasn’t there, there was two men on the other side that he could barely see between the flames and another one near him. Hopefully, there was also some people on guards not too far away, but he couldn’t see them from where he was at the moment. It didn’t took more than a few seconds for him to recognize the man near him, which he decides to approach.
Jeremiah wasn’t great at staying far from people. He was even worse at not searching for trouble, or simply not putting his feet where he should not put them. Maybe it was stupidity, maybe it was courage, and maybe it was just his hyperactivity talking for him. He didn’t knew. Some people said that it took a great deal of stupidity to be courageous. You do not jump of a cliff if you start thinking about the consequences.
He took a sit on the tree that was as good as you could get of a chair in that place, before giving a smile to Edge. They knew each other for a long time now, maybe even more than a year. Jeremiah never really considered him as a friend, probably even far from that, since the guy had always made himself a leader in their group and… Jeremiah never really had a love from people who seemed to boss other people around. Okay, maybe Edge never really bossed other people, yet he still was in a leading position and that always had been enough for him to not really like him. But recently, everything was different, not only their situation or the war, but them too.
Jeremiah, he wasn’t really the careless person he had been before. Maybe that’s why he was trying to put more effort in the group, maybe that’s why he was less goofy. Edge… he seemed to have noticed, and just that made him feel a bit better. Jeremiah, he was still young and, weirdly, he was just realising he could still learn. He hated the idea, hated the simple concept of getting advice, but it didn’t seemed like a bad thing anymore. “Can’t sleep?” the two little words seemed to be useless, yet they were better than everything else he had on his mind.
He gave a kick to a rock, before opening his mouth again. “Because I can’t. I’ve got a bad feeling.” Maybe he would sound crazy. Hey dude, I got a really bad feeling, believe me, I can read the future. That wasn’t exactly the best thing to say, but even the heat of the fire didn’t seemed to be able to make him feel better anymore. He just wished he could see his back, because even if there was all that light in front of him, he knew that the shadows were menacing behind him.
He gave a little laugh, realizing it was the insane in him who was talking. “Sorry, not really the best way to start a conversation.” He sighed, before putting his head in his hands. The tiredness was burning in his muscles, putting all that weight in each one of them. “God, I’m tired, don't listen to me.” He finally said, realizing he didn’t even let time for the guy to say anything in all of his babbling. He was weirdly nervous, like he hadn’t been in a long time.
The problem was that it was so easy to get confused. Was it his fear, his anxiety coming back, or was it real? For an instant, he really hoped Edge had something cheerful to share with him, because his thoughts were turning in his hand and not in the right way.
Sadly, happy things didn't seem to exist in here.

I see humans, but no humanity

on dit que la nuit porte conseil

It was weird. In a way, they could probably have lived in peace. The island was big enough for everyone, they would all have their space and no need to kill each other or turn yourself crazy. The thing was, they still are humans. Humans, who tend to destroy what they touch, because, after a moment, everything just always seemed… to be the same.
This little piece of earth, in that giant ocean, was a paradise in a way so many people would have dreamed of. It was beautiful, the color of the ocean so pure and the flowers growing like no one could ever take them down. Mother Nature was at her best here and she did leave space for them; she made the prison no one would ever have imagined finishing in. They were stuck here, on this little piece of paradise that, in no time, turned into hell. The moon, in the cloudy sky, was shining, so far away from them, it was like a mocking memo that distance didn’t meant anything anymore. The sleepless nights always seemed to remind him how much he had lost, and yet how much he still had to lose. You’d thought it would have an end and that they would, one day, have taken so much from him that he would only be left with his own self.
That was the thing with humans; they always managed to find beauty, even in the ruins they left behind.

The flames were dancing in front of him, slowly taking the woods down, and burning it in its slow destruction. People always said fire was fast, vindictive and powerful. It didn’t seemed like it. It seemed like it would slowly climb on everything, torturing every single little parts before leaving nothing behind when it would finally be done. He was talking, letting too much and not enough get off of him in the same time. He was stuck, Jeremiah, stuck behind his fear and what he wanted. What did he wanted anyway? He didn’t knew, he never really knew. It was a sort of weird pattern, one that he would have given anything to get out of.
He always had wished he could keep his words in, keeping them for himself so that he could stop always attracting these weird situations, these crazy problems and even more tired looks. He never was good at it, though. He was an extroverted at best, absolutely needing people’s company but finding himself scared of them. Jeremiah always said he didn’t care about it, yet the way he was fighting to keep the appearance alright, to not show how deep he was in his problems, all of that seemed to scream for it that he cared a bit too much.
He was so cold, but it always seemed like he was these days. The worst was that feeling. Like something was slowly climbing up his back, leaving his dark trace on his skin. He could feel it on his neck, on his hair, on his skin. It was haunting, enough to make you look behind you every few seconds, scared to find someone, something. The flames weren’t strong enough to fight the coldness of their invisible hands.

Finally, he let the silence fall between them, giving enough space so that the other man could take his turn. “But I am, and I don’t find you crazy at all.” Jeremiah throw him a look, biting his tongue to not say the bitter thing he was about to. Edge was a good man, maybe too good for his own kind. He probably really thought what he was saying and, even if Jeremiah had a dozen arguments that could have destroyed his way of thinking, it felt useless to fight against it. If he really wanted to think good of him, so be it. The man would probably discover soon enough that his assumptions were wrong. Not that Jeremiah was such a bad person. He could absolutely say he was a better one than the Originals or even the Sigmas, yet, it seemed like his always growing number of errors slowly was dragging him in the mud. He really was trying, that was better than nothing, right? Better to say, the refugee never had such a good image of himself. “Yeah… if you like to think that.” He muttered, not really knowing what to say to something… kind of nice? Edge was passing his hand into his hair, taking the silence for his turn to talk. “You’ve got it right I can’t sleep too, but it’s not that new. ” Jeremiah couldn’t stop himself for laughing at that. He looked at the orange flames for a second, wondering if they were less strong than before, because he felt even more cold for a second. Weirdly, they seemed even stronger, their light reflecting their gold glow in their eyes. “Welcome in the club, I don’t even remember the last time I could sleep more than two hours in a row.” Said the young one, passing a hand in his own hair. The refugee never really liked to wander off at night, finding that the cold air and the overgrowing shadows were only making it worse. It wasn’t really better in his tent, but, at least, he was in security. Security was quite a rare concept on this island, but, hey, you do with what you have. That probably was the reason why they never met before at night.
He didn’t know, why he decided that night to get out of his ‘safe’ place. This feeling, it seemed stupid, and it will seem even more stupid when the sun will take his place in the blue sky and put his light on all his fears. Anyway, it was stuck in his guts, keeping his muscles straighter than usual, making him jump at the smallest sounds. “Have you seen something strange? I mean… You’re going to think I’m crazy but, I have a bad sensation… like when something is behind you but when you turn back, you see nothing… You see what I mean?” Jeremiah gave him a surprise look, because he knew exactly what he was talking about. Where they both crazy? Was there a poison in the air they didn’t notice? Or, maybe… maybe they were right. “Dammed… This island will drive us mad.” A smile grew on his face, as he threw him a look. His hands were nervously going around, playing with his t-shirt, as if it would help. “Everyone’s mad, that’s the only way to survive around here.” He said, looking at Edge. He really believed it. They must be crazy to keep on fighting, on surviving, on growing in this place. They could only be. The longer you survived, the more you realized its only luck. “I didn’t see anything… but I know what you mean.” He’s whispering now, his voice only strong enough to get to Edge over the sound of the burning woods. Jeremiah threw a look over his shoulder, observing the dark jungle, the path across it full of that strange aura.
It was so still, maybe too still. The woods, they were always so full of life, of predators and insects, of wind and plants growing wildly and living like they finally had gotten the chance to. But that night, it seemed like nothing was moving, nothing was existing beyond the point where the woods and their camp separate. “I can’t see anything, but they know how to hide. If we’re both feeling it… I mean, we can’t both be that crazy, right? You always look like you’re kinda sane.” He turned his face to the leader again, searching in his eyes for an answer, before realizing no one ever seemed to have them anyway. He sighed, before reaching for his hair, making a mess out of them. In a few seconds, he found himself standing up, looking at Edge, and wondering if he was making a big error to even trust him as much as he was about to. Jeremiah, he never did gray. It was everything or nothing at all. “It’s probably not going to help the mad problem, but, just in case, we probably should get weapons and make sure the guards are alright?” He was suggesting, but he really hoped the guy would be okay with it, because that was certainly the only way he could feel better at that moment. It just seemed to be getting worse and worse, ever since he had waken up.